He..

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He is so well intentioned

but so often I believe he wishes to harm me

He is always choosing

kindness

patience

gentleness

self control.

but I often falter in returning the favor

Instead I choose my outbursts

indulging my hidden frustrations

pining to that cynicism inside of me

“Look, there you are untrustworthy!

Selfish!

Uncaring!”

I caught you out!

lies that I listen to

“He dosnt really love you”

“He’ll tire of you one day and leave..”

“He settled”

“He cant be trusted, remember what happened last time?”

“He doesn’t mean what he says..”

Me and my mind fight over him so many pointless hours of the day

Why cant I just trust and believe?

He is not the one who hurt me

many years ago

who broke my trust time and time again

yet he pays the cost everyday

Insecure, broken and scarred

I wave my wound around again

Not knowing how else to cope

to protect my little leaking heart

I asked him so many times

“Why do you bother staying with me?”

“I am so messed up”

“sometimes I feel as if I am crazy..”

“women like me do not deserve men like you”

And he just smiles time and time again

looks deeply and genuinely into my eyes

hazel tears fusing with the soul of deep brown orbs of sincerest love

and says

“My sweet, sweet wife. I will never stop loving you.”

“My beauty, you are a wonderful wife, I would not choose anyone else.”

“My babe, it’s OK to cry, I’m with you.”

“What can I do for you right now, would you like a cup of tea?”

“We’re in this together”

Instantly my fears melt away

My anger drifts away like a passing cloud

My doubt dissolves

Lies flee in the face of overwhelming, inconceivable truth from his lips

He is the one for me

He doesn’t expect me be to perfect

He inspires me to be better everyday

He wants the very best for me

He makes me better

He shows me God in ways I never perceived

He is a mystery

I will continue to discover everyday until death do us part.

“She asked,

‘You’re in love, what does love look like?’

To which I replied

‘Like everything I’d ever lost came back to me.”

-anon

 

 

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