He is so well intentioned
but so often I believe he wishes to harm me
He is always choosing
kindness
patience
gentleness
self control.
but I often falter in returning the favor
Instead I choose my outbursts
indulging my hidden frustrations
pining to that cynicism inside of me
“Look, there you are untrustworthy!
Selfish!
Uncaring!”
I caught you out!
lies that I listen to
“He dosnt really love you”
“He’ll tire of you one day and leave..”
“He settled”
“He cant be trusted, remember what happened last time?”
“He doesn’t mean what he says..”
Me and my mind fight over him so many pointless hours of the day
Why cant I just trust and believe?
He is not the one who hurt me
many years ago
who broke my trust time and time again
yet he pays the cost everyday
Insecure, broken and scarred
I wave my wound around again
Not knowing how else to cope
to protect my little leaking heart
I asked him so many times
“Why do you bother staying with me?”
“I am so messed up”
“sometimes I feel as if I am crazy..”
“women like me do not deserve men like you”
And he just smiles time and time again
looks deeply and genuinely into my eyes
hazel tears fusing with the soul of deep brown orbs of sincerest love
and says
“My sweet, sweet wife. I will never stop loving you.”
“My beauty, you are a wonderful wife, I would not choose anyone else.”
“My babe, it’s OK to cry, I’m with you.”
“What can I do for you right now, would you like a cup of tea?”
“We’re in this together”
Instantly my fears melt away
My anger drifts away like a passing cloud
My doubt dissolves
Lies flee in the face of overwhelming, inconceivable truth from his lips
He is the one for me
He doesn’t expect me be to perfect
He inspires me to be better everyday
He wants the very best for me
He makes me better
He shows me God in ways I never perceived
He is a mystery
I will continue to discover everyday until death do us part.
“She asked,
‘You’re in love, what does love look like?’
To which I replied
‘Like everything I’d ever lost came back to me.”
-anon
